I lied

Please tell me the truth. If I told you, would you still be the same? Would we still be the same? I just want to know. But maybe I don't. The only reason I'm holding back is because I don't know how you would react if you knew. Would you avoid me? Would you shun me? Would you ignore me? I lied. I'm a big, fat liar. Ok, I'm not big and not fat. But I lied to you. Forgive me. I just couldn't give you the answer. I don't want to spoil anything. And because of that, I broke my own heart. I don't allow anyone else to break my heart. It's MY heart. I'll break it myself. Get it clear. You didn't break my heart. I broke it myself. So don't feel bad. Don't even think of feeling sorry for me. I don't need your sympathy. I just need your friendship. I'm not being noble. It's purely for selfish and personal reasons. I want your friendship. That's why I don't wish to tell you. It's not because I don't want to trouble you nor frustrate you. I'm also afraid of your reaction. I'm a coward. I feel like a yo-yo. Being thrown out to the end of my string and at the flick of your wrist, I get pulled back. Like as if nothing happened. I don't like how it feels. I still owe you something. And I hope when I fulfill that, I would have recovered. But a broken heart will never be the same again. Even though it has recovered, there'll still be lines of weaknesses and to overcome that, it makes itself even stronger. To prevent itself from breaking again. And that's not always good. Yet. Love like you've never loved before. Cry like you've never cried before. Once is enough though. Love is a game. And it's not just a two-player game. It's a multi-player network game. I'm out of this game. Love is like a dream. But I've woken up too early.