Further

Drifting further and further... I can't see you anymore... The tide is bringing you away... I think I'm going to miss you... Maybe one day, the tide will bring you back...

Metro Warehouse Sale

Dropped by the Metro Warehouse sale today! Wowee! Huge! Lotsa people! Lotsa stuff to buy! Girls, if you are in need of BRAS, UNDERWEAR, CHOCOLATE, please drop by at the Warehouse sale. Tomorrow last day! Cheap bras, cheap underwear, cheap chocolate. Hwah. My mum had already grabbed some bras by the time I joined her at the Expo. When I met her, she was like, "Faster, go and try on these bras!" Er. Ok. Anyways, she bought ALOT OF CHOCOLATE! I don't know how is she going to finish all of them. But it's really cheap. 12 bars for $9. New pattern ones. Can go check it out. And also those gigantic cadbury bars. Wah seh. 3 going for $10. OK la, not DIRT cheap, just QUITE cheap. But the bras are really cheap ok. She also managed to find cheap tables. Hahahaha! $4 each. Bedside tables actually, one got drawer one. And the other one was a set of 3 bedside tables in varying heights. Ho ho! Fantastic la. $4!!!! Usually I think you have to pay at least $50 for one of those. I also finally managed to buy a bag! Wahahahaha. Too bad the infra-red connection is scrooed. If not can show ya all! Psst. I went for another interview on Friday. Wooohooo! Police HQ. No, I'm not becoming a part-time policewoman. Just going to help out with the admin stuff. That's if they hire me. Jenny will be working there too! Hopefully we'll be able to start work together! Thanks babe, for intro-ing me the job. Let's cross our fingers and hope to get the job! OOh. I saw the Olympus [Mju] Mini Digital. You know the new Olympus camera, with the funky shape? The one they keep showing on Singapore Idol. You know? Ok, never mind if you don't know. I'm saving up for a digicam! And getting the job will help speed up the process. Is Canon good? I think Canon has the best cameras around. The IXUS looks good. Then after that comes Sony. I still like the P100. The round one. How ah. Then now got this Olympus Mini. Aiyo. Headache. Maybe I should just worry about whether I'll get the job first. Hahaha. Ok. Watching Singapore Idol encore telecast! The week that Jerry Ong got the boot. Hey! I heard Christopher got eliminated. Alamak. Quite sad. Sure he can't sing, but he's got a million-dollar smile. Megawatt! Right. I'm off.

Still stuck

Sigh~ I thought I've moved on. But apparently I haven't. I'm still stuck at the same place. How ah? I'm moving, but not ahead. I'm still at the same spot. Like running on a treadmill. Moving. Yet still on the same spot. Get what I mean? I hate feeling like this. In a month. I promised myself. I will tell all. A friend just said, "All guys are idiots." Ok, so to a certain extent, that's true. Then what makes us? I mean, girls who like guys!? Even more idiotic, no? Because we like guys, who are idiots? Yes? Makes sense right!? Another friend say, "Nan ren bu huai, nu ren bu ai." Loosely translated it means, girls like bad guys. o_O Sad, but true. Then again, girls like good guys too! Or maybe it's just me? I must be crazy. Liking a guy like him. Always busy. Always "long day tomorrow." Argh. What did I get myself into. Never mind. Motivation: One month later, it'll all be over. One more month, that's it. Or maybe even sooner, if he suddenly has good news to tell me. Meanwhile, it's back to the treadmill. Jog jog jog jog jog.

Retribution la

Alright. I haven't been updating. Nothing much. Just haven't been updating. Heh. Ok. My bad. I know how it feels to keep coming back to this page but seeing the same entry. Must have been boring huh. So! Dad was in China last week. Meaning, I was taking over as chauffeur for the coming 4 days. Bah. And waking up early is so not easy. Dozing off during work. Hah. You know, I think I got my retribution. This is what happened. Kelly Services called me to tell me I am offered a data entry position at some bank at Raffles Place. Pay was $6 an hour, 8:30am to 6:00pm, 5-day week. So that day, Thursday, I went to Kelly Services to sign some confidentiality form thing and to discuss my job scope. Then when I returned to the office, I saw an email notification from Friendster, telling me that I had a message from Clare, my PSB classmate. She told me that she had a receptionist position at a petroleum trading company place and asked me whether I was interested. $8 an hour, 9am to 6pm, 5-day week at Orchard. I felt like banging against the blody wall! Of course, being the practical-minded person I was (which is why I am in Business), I gladly accepted Clare's offer. Then I was stuck. How do I tell Kelly Services? Surely they would think I'm an irresponsible freak. Accepting their offer but at the same time accepting another offer. Although the pay was higher, it was really very unethical. Nevertheless, I needed the higher pay. So I called the nice lady and told her apologetically that I couldn't take up the data entry job. I also told her, stupidly, the truth, that I was offered a higher pay at the receptionist job and the conditions were obviously better. I can't tell a bloody lie to save my life. She was, of course, blody pissed. And I could tell. Her replies were curt. I even sent her an apology email. Bah. Which she, of course, didn't reply. Heh. But still, I was damn happy because $8 an hour! Wheeee! And it was nearer to school too! Alas, the joy did not last. The next day, I received an SMS from Clare. It said: "I hope you have not rejected the other offer. The lady just cancelled her leave. So they would not be hiring." Ok. -_-!!! I was like, WHAT THE HELL!!!!! Alright. I guess this is what you call retribution. It's what you get when you're irresponsible. Bah. So I suppose Kelly Services will never, ever, EVER contact me for another job anymore. I'm probably on their "IGNORE" list. Gah. Sigh. So I am now "retrenched", even before I started work. But then, that happens to me ALL THE TIME! I don't know why! I promise I will accept a job offer that pays $6 an hour, 8:30am to 6pm, 5-day week, the NEXT time I am offered one. I swear. Really. And I am still very sorry about being so irresponsible. But then. There were happy things! Like the "Made in Singapore" concert on Friday. Met up with Rach C, Mira and Rach L. Tickets courtesy of Rach L. My first performance at the Esplanade. Wahahahaha! And I promise I'll be back for Mamma Mia. Really. First! Thanks Rach darling, for the wonderful tickets. Circle 2 ok. Don't play play. Can see quite clearly hor. I managed to get the car! Whee! Dad allowed me to drive the car to the concert! Hee hee. So, I met up with Rach C and Mira at Tanah Merah. Surprise, surprise, I managed to get to Esplanade without losing my way! Wahaha! And thank god we decided to park at the Marina Square carpark instead of the Esplanade one. It was full. Hah. The concert was great fun!!! Adrian Pang was witty and hilarious!!! Very good emcee. Very talented. Kumar. Well, he was very, Kumar. Racist, but it made sense. Sarcastic, but hilarious. He made fun of himself and he could laugh at himself. That's a very big thing to do. Lin Jun Jie aka JJ was GREAT! Wheee!! Although I think he didn't sing live. I mean, how many pop acts sing Live nowadays? Right? Well, I could be wrong. He was great nonetheless. Really. When he played the piano and sang, I just melted!! Gawdddd. His voice! I totally dig a guy with a great voice and musically inclined! Gah. Robert Fernando was great too! He and Rahima Rahim. They sang a duet. "Unforgettable". Truly. It was a great concert. I realised these guys are REALLY talented. Their voice, so powerful! And then there was "loose kneecaps and elbows". Wahahaha. Rach L had a good laugh over that. Hahahaha. And Mira's, "Where's Tania?" LOL. Ok, you guys probably wouldn't know what I am talking about. Ah wells. That's enough update for the week. It's going to be a busy week! Ah-Zhong kor kor's wedding this Friday! Pretty bride! Wowee. Positively radiant. I guess it's true, women are the most beautiful when they are getting married. Sigh. I'll have to wait for my turn. :) Meanwhile, I'll just be eating at wedding dinners! Hahaha. And the "Thank You" dinner @ TKSS this Thursday. Oooh, the principal is thanking us for performing at the Speech Day in July. Hahaha. Took her abit long to call back this dinner. Well, better late than never. Looking forward to see all the gang. They'd better turn up. Or else.. So. Any job offers? I promise I'll take it. Hahaha.

Somewhere Over The Rainbow, ERHU VERSION!?

It's fantastic! Some golden-hair guy is playing Somewhere Over the Rainbow with an Er-Hu!!!! OMG! And it sounds nice! *awe* I'm amazed. I played Bridge for over 10 hours yesterday. At Kok Ling's 21st birthday chalet. Haha. Can you imagine 10 hours of bridge!? My goodness. I never expected bridge to be so addictive. And fun! Taught Nad how to play after Aloy left. Heh. Rach C, Lawrence aka Hang Ten "Shingapore", Nad aka clear-and-cut and me played from 8 to 6am in the morning. You guys should learn how to play Bridge! It's a great game. And it's nicer than Mahjong. Ho ho. Towards the end, Nad was already hysterical from lack of sleep and I was not thinking clearly anymore. Hahaha. And I love this phrase. "Let's get it together, team!" Hahahahahaha! I love that phrase. Some photos. I'm really lazy to type more words. Mira trimmed her eyebrows! Hahaha, Mich and I always end up having similar hairstyles. Ho ho. Great minds think alike. *winks* The cake that got everyone puzzled. "What's that brown patch at the side?" No wonder they said "No using of handphones while driving". Heh. I almost killed myself while taking this picture. But the scenary was nice. Ho ho. Nice rite?! Bah, traffic jam on the other side. Got bored waiting for the lift to come. Hahaha. Ooh. Went over to 4th Auntie's place to have dinner and a game of mahjong! Woweee! I actually won! $9! And that's only after like a few rounds. Ho ho! And mummy owes me $4. Wahahahaha. Dad's gone to China! I missed sending him off because I reached home late from the chalet. And to think I ran all the way home from the bus stop. WAH. My neighbours must be thinking I'm doing my morning jog. Heh. Ok. I'm off to sleep. More photos with Nad! Wheee!

Kit Kat Strawberry and A Happy House Diary

Rachie C bought me a Happy House diary! Check it out! Cute eh? I love it! Hahaha, I shall write in it tonight! Wheee! And she gave me a box of KitKat Strawberry too! See! It looks so cute I can't bear to eat it! Wahahaha. I mean, I don't even want to open the package because I'd spoil it! Oh dear. Thanks darling! We go watch Mamma Mia together with Rach Lum? Hee. I know you want to watch la! Hahaha, don't deny it. Keke. Ooh. No more 1B17 supper tomorrow night! Kenny is sick! High fever. Poor thing. Next week, perhaps. Hope he'll be fine by then. 2046 looks nice eh? Anyone want to watch? Hahaha. Hope it's not too arty-farty. I'm not an arty-farty person. Hahaha. But with Tony Leung and Takuya Kimura, I don't really care whether I understand or not. Muahahahaha. Oh ya! Did I mention! I have a classmate who looks like Zai Zai! o_O Heh. High school kid making out with classmate's Mom!? OMG. That kinda stuff only happens in the States. Hahaha. And in The O.C. Am going to write in my new diary! Wowee!

Heh

Some people (namely this irritating tagger, net or Linette as she insists on calling herself) just don't get the meaning of GET OUT. Or how about being un-noticed, unknown, unheard, unseen? Ok ok, maybe that's too cheem too. How about INVISIBLE? Surely that's easy to understand. But then maybe I overestimated some people's brain capacity. Sorry, I was judging by the vocabulary of my 12-year-old nephew. He knows what's invisible and he knows when to SHUT UP. But some people just don't get it! And claims that she doesn't know me personally. Hah. Does that make her feel more secured? Since then I wouldn't guess who she REALLY is? Oh my god. She actually shares the same sentiments about me as I do about her! Right. And then what? I wonder if she thinks that because of her "oh-so-hurtful" tag, I'd hide in a corner and cry my eyes out? Or does she think that I'd regret what I said earlier and apologise for my honesty and open-ness? Oh god. How very naive. Ok, maybe I was wrong. She isn't thinking of any of those. Then I truly wonder, what is she doing here? Hiding her identity, thinking I'm "very stupid", to quote her words, and tagging unpleasant remarks. I'm "very stupid" eh? At least I'm doing my degree now at a Premier League (meaning Top 10 in ranking in the country) University in the United Kingdom (I'm afraid she doesn't know what U.K means, you see) that comes complete with Direct Honours and a chance to go to the United Kingdom to do my final year. What about her, "oh-so-smart" girl? She'd still be stuck here in Singapore, working for some boss who'd pay her peanuts but then of course you can't complain because, well, beggars can't be choosers. A person of her calibre, taking on a fake moniker and acting so "protective", won't actually get very far in life. Alright. Maybe she has a rich boyfriend who can afford a rich and lavish lifestyle for her since she probably can't earn enough to pay for her materialistic needs. Ok. Then I got nothing to say since that boyfriend of hers is probably blind or has a witch doctor controlling his mind. If he has one. Am I very mean? I seldom do that you know. This "mode" is usually only reserved for people like "Linette". And so is that F*** word. Only reserved for people like her. But then, given her stubborn and proud nature, she'd probably rebutt with "It doesn't affect me at all!". I'm usually very nice and cheerful, always with a kind word. Unless of course, when I get treated with such unkindness and rudeness. "Linette" darling, you can go on tagging, I'll just go on deleting your posts. You know, there's really nothing you can do, because I, Selena Ho, am the BLOG ADMINISTRATOR! Wahahahahaha. "Linette", you should be working or if your brain can take it, studying (I doubt you can) you know, and not poking your witch-like nose into people's affairs. Like mine. I wish(not wishED, because I'm still wishing) I didn't know you too, honey. Trust me. My world has been so wonderful. Without you, of course. Look at it this way, "friend-in-mention" can defend herself, although it doesn't warrant that defensive mode since I wasn't attacking her. And it's really just between me and her. So why don't you, go find something else to do, rather than to "tresspass" into MY BLOG and DIRTYING MY PRETTY LIL' PURPLE AND PINK DOODLEBOARD with your UGLY presence. Argh. I shudder everytime I think of YOU reading my blog with your beady eyes, your spiteful mind, thinking of how to criticise me, it urks me. My stomach churns when I think of that. *Puke* I can visualise her laughing at this post. I had fun too! Or maybe the opposite. Shaking with anger? Ho ho. Whatever. Tag all you want. My explorer has bookmarked Doodle-board to delete your tags as soon as you post them. Well well, it's been fun writing this post. But then again, being revengeful ain't very healthy. So it's the end of this issue. Just remember, "Linette". You tag, I delete. Oh, before I forget, check out "invisible" on Dictionary.com. And while you're at it, browse through the rest of the Dictionary and add on to your limited vocabulary base.

Spiteful

I was reading through my Doodleboard archives when I came upon this particular tag by this person "net". I still don't like her tone. Or maybe his tone. But I think I have an idea of who it is. You might think I must be a very "spiteful" person, digging up a tag which was posted so long ago about a post/issue that happened long ago. The issue has been settled anyway. Both parties cherished this friendship too much to let it be ruined because of a boyfriend. But still. When I read the tag, especially the part where she said (I'm pretty sure it's a she)"... only know how to criticise people, on and on you go, never thinking it through." And that she thinks I should be disgusted with myself, presumably for "shooting my big fat mouth off about my friend". I wonder what makes her think I have a big fat mouth? She probably is blind because obviously you can tell I do not have a big fat mouth from the photos that I post up regularly on my blog. What makes her think I didn't think it through? Does she think I'm stupid? Writing such an honest entry and expecting my friend to not react to it? Of course I thought through it, stranger. I figured since the issue is already out in the open, why should I hide my feelings? I'm sure it's a she and someone I know ( I wished I did'nt know her) because why else can she assume that my ".. friend dun need .. so called save some friendship". If she doesn't know me, then why would she have such a big reaction? And how can she assume that I only criticise people? What about times/entries/posts when I praise people or am grateful for my friends, appreciate them, why don't I see her tagging that I'm such a nice friend and I appreciate my friends and I love them? And I wasn't criticising in that entry, I was voicing out our opinions. So was I wrong in voicing out my unhappiness and grievances? She voiced out her opinions, although rather subjective as I suppose she has a personal "grudge" with me. Besides, it was because of that entry that we made up. Friends must be completely honest. The truth might hurt and perhaps I was too blatant with my words, but I just wanted to make my opinions known. So to you "net", so brave to tag, yet too cowardy to use your real name, this is my blog, my world, my right in voicing out my opinions, your right to oppose, but as I said, personal attacks are not welcomed. And don't argue that you didn't personal attack me, because the phrase "big fat mouth" ain't very nice. Oh ya, why should I be disgusted with myself, as I should be, with you? For not listening to both sides of the story, for not having the guts to say your name (at least I'm honest in voicing out my opinions, while you don't even have the guts to say your real name), for making a personal attack, for coming to MY blog and blatantly accusing me of criticising my friend when I am not. I would tell you, you should be disgusted with yourself. Don't tell me what to do. This is my blog and I jolly well have all the rights to say what I want. At least I'm not bitching about her behind her back, as you most probably did, behind mine. I'm right out in the open. I'm honest. I say what I feel. And I make constructive comments. You can't stand honesty? Well, I can. I'd rather people be honest with me, rather than bitching around behind my back. At least she knows I treasure her as a friend and am honest. I have absolutely nothing to hide. What do you have? Probably friends who are not honest with their opinions because they're afraid that you would not be able to accept their opinions. And probably your own pitiful self who can't bear to say the truth and honest opinions about your own friends. I'm truthful and honest about my opinions but I make constructive comments and in the process, understand my friends better as they do with me. As a result, our friendship is stronger, more lasting and honest. Our arguments or disputes will only serve to make the friendship stronger. But unlike you, who'd probably bear a grudge to people who make honest comments about yourself, will probably lose that friendship and stick to "friends" who suck up to you. You'll never find your true self and be completely honest with yourself. I know you're still reading my blog. I have a request. No. A plea. Get out of my life. Go read somebody else's blogs. Read some superficial, "nice-nice", kawaii blogs that'll probably make you a nicer person. Ok, fine, if you want to read, I probably can't stop you. But please. Make yourself invisible. Unknown. Unseen. Read? I don't need your comments to tell me how to treat my friends. I treat them well enough to make them want to still be friends with me. And I have flaws that they accept e.g. my incessant criticism. So. Save the comments. Use it on yourself. Get out of here. You're not welcomed. Neither are your comments. But a word of thanks to you, for you made me realise that there are people who support of such honest entries and that my friend-in-mention is still very much my friend. SO JUST F*** OFF! My first F-word in weeks. Not nice, but necessary.

Tigger and Pooh and Sel! Haha!
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I was a Girly Girl! =)

Girly Girl What kind of little girl were YOU? brought to you by

Aloha! Guess who's back!

Hmmm. I don't know what to write! Hahaha! It's been 10 days since I blogged. Been trying to do my Human Resource assignment. But to no avail. Oh ya! I finished watching the whole series of Meteor Garden 1 on VCD. Muahahaha. Jerry Yan and Zai Zai are soooooo "shuai". Hee. Sigh~ That Shancai woman is soooo lucky to act with them. Ho ho. *Slaps self* It's just a drama serial. Bleah. I am finally done with my HR report. I never knew how difficult it was doing a report individually. Heh. Gotta do everything, from the content page, to summary, to bibliography and of course, the bloody findings. Heh. TP is terrible. They are scanning matric cards at the entrance of the library!!! Obviously they no longer allow non-TP students to go there. Stupid. Luckily the security guard was nice enough to let us in with our EZ link card. If not I wouldn't know where to go for reference books. Anyways, finally managed to be done with the 3000 word report. Haha. And got Shuling and Karen to print it out for me! Haha, laser jets are faster. And can save myself ink! 17 pages leh! :P So accomplished. Never done an individual full report before! Wheee! Been getting giddy attacks frequently these days. Wonder why. Low blood pressure? Hmmm. Am having one now. Gah. Feel like puking. These past 10 days, I've been keeping a pen and paper diary. Ho ho. In some notebook that was given free during TP's open house. Wahahahaha. But Rach C is buying me a Happy House diary! Yippee! It's gonna be a busy month. My calendar is filled. Almost everyday there's a birthday party or dinner or meet-up. It's quiet out here without Kenny. Heh. But we're meeting him on Friday! He's booking out! We're going to 85! Yummy stingray and sugarcane! Wheee! Can see how he looks like with a botak hairstyle. Gah. I can't take it anymore. My head's spinning and my room looks like it's spinning. Heh. *Dizzy* Nitez people. Will be back again!

Questions

I've blogged for over 2 years now. When I first started blogging, it was an outlet to let out my frustrations, problems and basically just help me sort out the stuff in my head. Nobody read my blog when it first started. Except maybe a few. One of the first being Joyce. She used to surprise me by calling me and asking how was I and was I having some problems. I used to be shocked at her "telepathic abilities". Like, how in the world did she know I was having problems!? Then I realised. She reads my blog. Soon after, more and more people were blogging. Or should I say, I "discovered" more and more blogs from people I know. Nad's, Joyce's and a few others I no longer read. To speak the truth, I ain't interested in reading other people blogs. Unless of those I know. Then the blogging community got larger and larger, expanding by the hundreds, thousands. Soon, everyone around me was a blogger! Then I discovered, more and more people were reading my blog! I realised it's no longer safe to put my deepest, darkest secrets online! Someone I know might read it! Or worse! Someone I'm talking about might be reading it! My blogs became more and more "commercialised". More and more "superficial". I don't blog my true feelings anymore. And on rare occassions that I do, I get "slammed", "flamed", "shot", confronted and criticised. All for just blogging how I really feel, what I really think. Opinions are mine. Solely MINE. I have the right to say how I feel. At least I'm being honest. Notice the phrase "All content copyright of Selena Ho Suyi."? If you don't like what I write, yes you may comment, but please direct it at the post. And not at the writer herself. I mean. Am I not allowed to air my opinions? You can write your opinions regarding the subject. But how can one judge a person by the posts that she writes? But anyways, that issue aside. I feel that I've somehow lost the purpose of blogging. Don't you feel that my entries these days have been really superficial? All about things I do, people I meet, things I bought, places I went. All so meaningless. To me, anyway. No offence to other bloggers. But really. It's not enough for me. I want to blog feelings, opinions, problems, relationships, true stuff. Yet. I can no longer do that. It seems that I've been "emptied". Of experiences, feelings and that something that's real. I've thought about this long and hard. Maybe I should set up another blog. One that I can blog my innermost feelings. One that I can say names. One that I can COMPLETELY let myself out. One that NOBODY knows about. That sounds like a great idea. I should do that. But I'm afraid. I'm a rather private person. I don't like the idea of someone finding out that "secret" blog. And trust me, it will be found out eventually. I thought maybe I should stop blogging completely. Until I've gained more experiences, know more people, establish something real in my life once more, before I come back and blog. I need to find the meaning in my blogging. Something I've lost for so long. I need to feel pain, sadness and anger. I need to feel happiness, joy and love. I need to find answers to my questions. Need to find meaning in life. Meaning in blogging. Maybe I'll be back. Maybe I'll not be.