This morning is one with alarming news. I felt like I got run over by a train twice in a span of 20 minutes. Train No. 1 was when my dad told me my maid went crazy last evening during dinner. The story I heard, very ridiculous, I didn't believe it when dad told me because it was just too, erm, out of this world. Supposedly, my parents went home for dinner after work, like they do, for the last 30 years. And while my mum went to her room to change (or something like that), my dad went into the kitchen to cut some fruits (my dad prefers to cut his own fruits, heh). The maid had just finished cooking the dishes and was taking them out to the dining room. When she went back to the kitchen to scoop the rice out, she realised she had forgotten to cook the rice. Ok, this is not very unbelievable, because it is possible to forget to do something, even though you've been doing it for your whole life. So then, my dad went like, "Why are you distracted? You want to go home is it? (Because she had just received a letter from her family back in Indonesia a couple of days ago.) Go wash the rice now before Mam comes down." She then proceeded to wash the rice in the "inside kitchen" (we have 2 kitchens, see, one in the backyard and the actual kitchen), to which my dad say "Don't wash here, wash outside." It was then she went all crazy. But she didn't look crazy, she probably just looked psychotic. Very seriously, she said to my dad, "Why? You scared I poison the rice is it?" -_-!! My dad pretended not to hear. But she continued, "I am God, I don't need to eat. You don't believe?" She pulled my dad out to the altar (we have an altar at home, just next to the dining table for the ancestors and the gods) and pointed to the Guan Yin figurine and said, "I am God." Alright. My goodness. I burst out laughing when my dad told me that. I mean it sounds all too ridiculous! But my dad was freaked. Quite funny! That night, my dad brought her back to the agency to sort things out and thought it would be best to just send her home. She might be just acting, so that we'll send her home fast, or she was genuinely crazy. Either way, I'm just glad she's gone. Not a very good maid, that woman. How can you be working with a family for one year and still not know the "workings" of the family? And it's not a big family, only 3 of us!! C-R-A-P. So now we're maidless again. Oh no!! *shudders at the thought of washing clothes, washing toilet* Argh. Train No. 2 was when Dad told me his friend knew my sister's husband, who, effectively, is my brother-in-law. Ok, for some, this sentence would bring about alot "Huh, Selena got sister meh? I thought she's the only child?" Let me clear your doubts. I have a sister. Or should I say, I used to have a sister. But she left home. As in, not married and left the family, but she "ran away from home". Not once, but twice! Hmm. Since then, I've always told people who asked, that I'm the only child. Save the explanation. And all the awkward glances and silence which always seem to follow these kind of news. Hahaha. Well, she's married now. With 2 kids in tow. Hrmm, I'm effectively, their auntie ley. Wah lao, damn cool can. But sadly, I have absolutely no idea where she is now, what she's working as, how her kids look like, how her wedding went, etc etc. I'm hardened by all these already, actually. Having been left out of all these. I mean, hey, she didn't invite anyone in the family ( I think, or maybe she did, but they didn't inform my dad, those buggers). But I would have very much liked to be part of her life. Honestly. I look back at my childhood photos, when I was one, she was there at my birthday party! We took a very sisterly photo together. Hahaha. Then there was also our trip back to Malaysia to visit my uncles, she was there too! We took photos as well! Got chance I show you all. Very cute one. She doesn't live with us, she lived with my uncle and his family. I think. It was so long ago, it's all fuzzy now. I figured I better write this down soon, if not I'll probably forget everything in time to come. Ok, something like that la. Just that she didn't live with us. So weird hor, you might be asking. I don't really know why, don't dare to ask also, scared kena scolded. But we used to go out every weekend, with my grandmother when she was still alive. Back then, I didn't really feel that she was my sister, I just felt that she was my cousin or something like that. Then when I was in P6, she was already 21 then, (age gap 9 years), just started her degree @ NUS (ya she's the smart kid in the family) and she moved in with us but she stayed in hall anyways. So it's still, weekends then go out, sort of thing. Then just before PSLE, I still remember, I was studying for my Chinese or something, she came home with a guy, her boyfriend I presume. And promptly announced she was leaving the family. My dad refused to let her into the house. She didn't have a lot of stuff at home anyway, so she just left it all behind. Before she left, she saw me peeking out from my room window, said something like, "You're not fit to be my sister." Something along that line. I was too young to be affected by that sentence and I was too caught up with PSLE anyway. I just remember crying a lot because my dad was shouting and hammering stuff and my mum was just super-pissed. So drama hor? But shortly afterwards, she came to look for me in school. Methinks just before I finished primary school. And she asked me to asked Mum and Dad to let her back home. I was damn happy la! Like yay! I have a sister again! Mum and Dad were actually quite reluctant to let her back, but I think I was quite persuasive. Anyways, she came back and Dad was so happy he bought our present house so that we could have more room! (we were staying in a 3-room flat before this) But then, I guess, happy stuff don't last long. About a couple of months later, we woke up one morning to find that she had emptied her cupboards, shelves, drawers, table of her stuff. In the wastepaper basket were notes she had tried to write, beginning with "To whom it may concern", then scribbled off and crushed. She never finished the note. My dad was furious. He hammered the door, (we had to have it replaced 'cos it cracked in the middle, he was THAT furious) and started pounding his chest. I guess he was just really disappointed, more than angry, that his eldest daughter had left him once again. How did I react, you might be wondering. I was just heartbroken. I remember I sat in her room for awhile when my parents went out and just stared at the stuff she left behind, lied down on the bed she used to sleep in, sat on the chair she sat on when she was studying at her desk. Just soaking in the emptiness. Somehow I already expected this. Her leaving I mean. I don't think she felt the kind of ties and closeness I felt with my parents. Maybe it had to do with the fact that she didn't live with us when she was young. Maybe it was something else. I don't know. I never got to find out. And I never will.

If I wish hard enough, I probably will get it for my birthday. *wish wish wish*

In wake of the recent London and Egypt bombings, Mummy thought it would be best if I just finished my course in safe and sunny Singapore. Of course, I'll miss out on the experience of studying overseas and being independent and all that jazz, but I'd rather be safe and close to my family than to be far out in UK without my family. I mean, who knows what might happen when I'm there. Loughborough is quite near London you know. If *touchwood* those dipshit terrorists decide to bomb the vicinity, then I die already la! Somemore, I'm a Chinese, during this kind of thing, I sure "lugi" one what. I don't want to die without telling my Mummy and Daddy how much I love them. I don't want to die alone in some weird town between Leicester and Nottingham. The thought scares me. And worst of all, I don't want to die without an arm or a leg. Oh my. So scary. Okok, let's move on to happier topics! I'm not going to UK! Which means I can have my birthday party in September! And I can go Shanghai with Mummy in August! Muahahahahaha. Oh and the other day, I had a brainstorm while I was on the bus to meet Rach in town. The idea was so good, I almost shouted "eureka!" on the bus. I think the other passengers will probably think I'm mad. But then again, I think they already do, because I was sitting there grinning like a fool, while reading my Harry Potter. Well, the good idea is... To tie ribbons/flowers/balloons/notices on the bus-stops that you guys are supposed alight and then on the lamp posts leading up to my house! Hee hee! Good idea right! Friends who have been to my house will of course know, by now, how to get to my house. If you still don't know, you ought to be smacked. No, just kidding ok, I can't bear to smack you guys. There's almost always a flurry of phone calls and SMS-es on the day of the party, party-goers calling me, asking for directions. But you see, it is really very simple to get to my house. Only got 3 exits ma. And all 3 lead to my house. Hahahahaha, I know that's not very helpful but ok. But I promise! This year! I'll simplify everything for you! Just look out for the ribbons/flowers/balloons/notices on bus stops and lamp posts. Slashes mean either or. Hahaha. Not ALL of them ok. Either ribbons or flowers or balloons or notices. Ahhh! So exciting! I love planning for parties! I think I shall have a flower theme! Ey? Good idea? Then all of you must come in something with flowers! Girls can have flowers in their hair, guys must wear flower shirts (muahahahaha, then I can laugh at how silly they look)! Oh my! It'll be so colourful! Muahahahahahaha. Oops, my dad just asked what's so funny because I'm snorting with excitement in front of the PC. He probably thinks I'm mad. ONLY ONE DOWNER THOUGH. I HAVE CLASS ON MY BIRTHDAY AS WELL AS THE FOLLOWING DAY! 9 a.m. to 5.30 p.m.!!!I BUY 4D ALSO NOT SO ACCURATE LA! Sickening. Those slugs. Argh. But I have already decided I'm not going for "the-day-after" class. Because most likely it'll be a night of mahjong, mahjong and more mahjong! Hee hee. The party will be on a Saturday evening(which means that I have class on Saturdays and Sundays, poor me) so you NS guys HAVE NO EXCUSE NOT TO TURN UP and people working 5.5 days week will also HAVE NO EXCUSE NOT TO TURN UP. Muahahaha. Besides, if I invited you, it means I really would appreciate the effort you took to come and if you don't have a flower shirt, don't worry! I have something for you to wear ok? Hee hee hee. Aiya, don't worry la, the flower theme is not confirmed, I might get overruled by my bunch of girlfriends who can threaten me with their absence if I insist on the silly flower theme. Yippee! So exciting! Hee hee hee. I can't wait! I can't wait! I can't wait! Muahahahahahahaha. Alright. I shall go read my Harry Potter again. Hee hee hee.

Did I mention? I got my copy of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince already! Yay! And I finished it within 2 days. Bah. I shall go read it all over again. Severus Snape is a son of a b****!! Grrr. See, don't trust people around you too much. Especially those with dubious backgrounds. And even more especially, those people who look waaaay too sneaky for our own good. Dumbledore died ( oh come on, everyone knows already la, I'm not spoiling anything) because he trusted that asshole too much. He thought Snape had turned to the right side. But no, that bloody two-headed dipshit sold out Dumbledore and The Order. Basket. Dumbledore was killed by that dipshit. Ooooh I feel like scratching his face and using one of them Unforgivable Curses on him. Bah. I cried so much while reading the last pages of the book. It was really sad. Sadder than when Cedric Diggory died during the tournament. Sigh. But I am sure he'll be back. Gandalf returned, didn't he? I'm sure Dumbledore will be back. He will.

Who said you need to wait till you're 21 to get the keys. I'm not 21 yet and I've already got 6 keys. 1 for the lorry, 1 for the car, 1 for the main gate, 1 for the office, 1 for the wooden door, 1 for the small gate. And besides, who needs keys when you have the whole blody factory to yourself. Pui. Today I am acting Managing Director at Dad's office. Muahahahaha. Feels damn gooooood. Mum and Dad have abandoned me and went to KL for some Fire Security Exhibition thing. Leaving me all alone in the office. And everybody just decide to come today to buy stuff. Roars. Everyone asks, "Ey, you are Mr Ho's daughter ah?" Then I will roll my eyes at them and reply, "Ya la, then what? His sister?" No la. Joking. Of course I reply shyly, "Ya, I'm his daughter." Bah. *rolls eyes* I'm so sleepy after lunch. I met Mira at Parkway for lunch! Wheee! Finally met that girl. The last time I saw her was at Kenny's party, which was like super long ago. One month plus ago! Hrrrmph. Yay, at least I managed to catch up with that girl. Been so long since I talked to her. ---------------Updated on 25-7-05--------------- Oops, this place is going to the cows. I haven't been updating. In actual fact, I have already typed out the entries (well, part of it) just that I didn't publish them. I didn't manage to finish what I wanted to write, so I didn't publish all those entries. I also didn't see any point in just blogging about the places I went, the people I went out with, the things I ate, the things I bought. I find it really pointless. Of course, I'm not saying I find other bloggers who blog about these pointless, just that I think it's pointless if I blogged about these stuff. But then, I guess it's difficult to be honest about your own feelings here when you know people can easily access your blog and read about you like you're stark-naked. Don't like the feeling of being exposed. Don't like people knowing how I really feel. Not that I'm a hypocrite or that I'm a fake or PR person. Just the feeling of vulnerability when you know that everyone knows your true self. I don't exactly know what I'm talking about here. Just a feeling of depression and emptiness. Like a part of me was removed from me. Like I lost something really important to me. A feeling of loss. I feel empty. I'm feeling extra-extra-sensitive. Little things can trigger off tears and anger. Just leave me alone for a while I guess. I'll be back when I'm better. I'm sure it's just a phase.

Pics from Nad's camera!

There. I did it. I emailed my course manager about studying in UK. Waiting to see if she recommends me to go there. Oh gawd. I'm a nervous wreck. Do I really want to do this? UK? Or birthday party?

I have so much to write. A billion thoughts running through my mind. Just like everyday. I don't know where to begin. I guess I should have tackled this when it first started manifesting in my head. Now the tangle of mess just rolls over and over, gaining size each time. Oh c-r-a-p. And one hour later, I still have no idea where to start with this "tangle". Do I think too much? I guess. But I can't help it. It's just in my nature to think all these random thoughts. It's also this nature which helped me avoid all those unnecessary situations that I could have gotten myself into, if I hadn't thought too much. I'm not one to act on impulse. I'm not spontaneous in that way. I'm an escapist (if there's such a word). I don't like facing situations that I'm not in control of. Thinking gives me control. Over my own feelings. I can manipulate the thoughts in my head. I may look like I'm confident of myself, that I'm sociable, outgoing, and all that jazz, but I'm really not what I seem on the surface. A friend once asked me, why do you think so much? What do you actually think about? A million things. Whether I'm going to take over Dad's business, whether I'm going to UK, whether I'm going to do HRM major, what I'm going to do when I graduate, should I throw a party for my birthday and other thoughts that just ran into my head at that point of time. My lecturer once said, after my presentation, that I looked confident, didn't look nervous at all. What she didn't know was that I was freezing underneath my blazer, my hands were shaking as I held the cards, my legs were trembling from the cold and my mind was in a blank. The mouth was working on its own. I guess I'm mostly not what I seem on the surface. I was told I was a "closed" person. Not revealing emotions to people. Funny, how that never occurred to me. I always thought I was an "open" person. That comment came as a shock honestly. So I guess, why people's comments about me never seem to comply with what I truly am. When you open up to someone, you expose yourself to that person, you become vulnerable, to hurt, sadness. Then you come to need recognition, praise and love from the person whom you opened yourself to. You come to care about what others think about you, having known what you really are. I don't purposely hide what I really am, I just leave it to them to find out on their own. But most of the time, they don't. How many people can truly say they know someone? Having been single for over 2 years (and counting) now, I went to sleep one night, with one single thought, "I think I can never love again." When you care for that one single person so much, every single action, no matter of which magnitude, causes a gigantic wave in your sea of emotions. A simple action (or the lack of it) can cause you a rollercoaster of emotions. I doubt I can handle that type of "work" anymore. It's so tiring. To unknowingly (or knowingly) subject yourself to being an echo of emotion of somebody else. Although they say, when the right one comes along, all will be fine. So I ask, what if the right one never comes along? I don't suppose most of the couples I know are the right one for each other. I guess you just complement and compromise each other. Some couples just need more compromising than others. But then, I think that's where the "passion" comes in. Can it be possible that I'm addicted to singlehood? Or is that I'm too "strong" that I don't need a boyfriend I can whimper to? Or do I just have "too-good" friends? You see, when you have a bunch of crazy girlfriends, you feel you don't need boyfriends. I was asked, "Can you be more gentle or not?" I was insulted. Ok, not so much of insulted, but more of peeved. Hmm? Gentle? So that I get bullied? Then he said, "I won't bully a gentle girl, if she's gentle, all the more I'll want to protect her, "teng" (like sayang) her." Ok, that's fine with me. But I don't need no guy to protect me. I can jolly well protect myself. I don't need a guy to "teng" me, sure that'll be nice, but I can really pamper myself, thank you very much. And think about it, if you can make a "not-so-gentle" girl feel protected and pampered, then I say congratulations and give yourself a pat on the back, because that is just so much more satisfying than protecting and pampering a gentle "shu-nu" kind of girl, ain't it? Some guys just had it coming. I'm not saying I hate "shu-nus" or "shu-nu lovers" ala Xiaxue, but I'm just saying, there are different guys for different girls. I suppose it takes a really average guy to win me over. Whimpering, dependent, sticky guys are just not my cup of tea. But neither are chauvinistic, self-centered, obnoxious guys. Just in-between these 2 extremities. The female species are so easy to satisfy. All they want are just average guys. Not too rich (men with too much money tend to stray), not too career-minded (workaholics are a no-no), not too self-centred (women being women, they want to be the centre of your world sometimes), not too "sticky (like a call every 15 mins to ask what you're doing)". See. Just average. OK you can put it this way, average = all-rounder in this case. A bit of all. Women are really just, well, women. Give her a roof over her head, household money, alot alot alot alot of love from the man in her life and voila! You get a really satisfied and happy woman. But it's because men are getting stupider (is there such a word?), they think that just because women are now earning more, can afford more of the finer things in life, that we don't need them to pamper or protect us anymore. Oh c-r-a-p. You just need the right amount. Women will forever be women. There's no changing that cold, hard fact. Women will never be able to read a map the right way up and men, well, men will never be able to iron clothes, watch tv, talk on the phone all at the same time. Never. And that's what sets the men and women apart. I wrote this whole chunk of shingdig and I haven't cleared my head. *roars.*

Mummy will touch down at 2135hrs 2229hrs 2236hrs today at Terminal 1! Wheeee!! *dances around madly*

Whahahahahaha.. Overflow of hearts!! Wheeee!!

I'm sorry I haven't been diligent in blogging. Just haven't had the urge to blog. And it has been a real busy week. Met up with the TK girls on Wednesday to send Polly off. Sigh. From left: Grace, Polly, Suet Ying, Adelene, Me! and Xingdi Chilling out at Haagen Dazs and chatting about our Secondary School days and our dreams for the future was a blast. But pity, Polly won't be around for our next few gatherings. Sobs. Then it was off to the airport on Thursday night to send Mummy off to Korea. It was a chaotic night with my aunties and cousins. It was a big party. About 15 I reckon. Almost missed saying bye to Mummy 'cos I was outside listening to somebody's interview on Y.E.S93.3fm. Bah. Luckily I ran fast enough to at least wish them Bon Voyage and the parting words were "Remember to buy stuff for me!!!!" Wahahahaha.. Friday was a busy day at work. Sent Daddy to the hospital for his check-up and spent just about the whole day there. Sheesh. Then it was off to meet the girls for dinner. Haven't talked to Zhenting and Shuling for a loooooooooooooooong time. And was supposed to go Wala Wala. But got thwarted by someone last minute. Sian-ness. Then I called Dad, thinking he can come pick me up from Tampines so that I didn't have to spend cab fare. But no such luck, he said he was sleeping already. Just as I stuck one foot into the cab, he called and told me he can come fetch me. Bah. So dumb can. Roars. Waste my money! Boo! Friday wasn't a very good day. And I had a good mind to ignore the someone who thwarted my plans for the whole of Saturday. Just because. Grr. But I didn't! I'm too nice, I tell ya, too nice! Dammit. Woke up to the thought of "It's Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince opening day!" on Saturday. And in the afternoon went to Changi Airport (again!). Gosh, I think I'm spending too much time at the airport. Departures are so hard to deal with. Sobs. Sent Polly off together with Jeffrey, Xingdi and Shawn. I was so close to crying when I saw her sister crying. Gawd. The scene was just so depressing. And Jeffrey, that dumb neh neh, didn't help by singing all the sad songs when I was already so close to tears. I really miss that babe. She used to be just one call away, one bus away, one sms away. But now, she's hours of flight away and she'll be gone for 2 years! 2 long years! Sigh. Talking about it makes me depressed. Boo. All the memories. I'll miss you until you get back. You take care girl. Come back soon! Love you lots. Sigh. Now I'm depressed. But anyways. Moving on. My kuku sister's birthday party at HRC was a blast! Yay! Saw most of the BSC people. Scroll down for photos. Theme was lime-green so expect to see lots of green. Aight, I've slept Sunday away. I am such a pig. Tomorrow's going to be a long day. Gotta send Dad to the hospital for his check up (again). Then gotta go town for servicing. And then at night meet Jo for dinner after which we can go to the airport to fetch my aunties and my mummy! Oh my, I hope she bought lots! Wheee! Nights people.

Rachie babe's birthday party at Hard Rock Cafe! Wheee!

"wata!" and the birthday babe

We're going to a partyyyyy..

Birthday babe looking mighty pleased with her Chocolate Addiction cake

Chong ah!!!! and Colin

Narcissistic Duo

Catwomen on the prowl

The Food Comm babes. Love this pic!

Cassandra "hyuk hyuk"

Chan mali chan and nadnut

BSC group photo. Yes, Cassandra loves me. And Shen is still hungry.

The (in)famous Mr Highlander!

Jeff "Chi-ge"

The birthday babe with her 2 Thai bodyguards

Shen and Lester with their toilet brush set and watering can

And her harmony angels

The birthday girl singing! Whahahaha!

The soooooooooooooooooooooper big group photo. Somebody teach that guy how to use the "zoom in" button!!

This came in an email today and was the first thing to greet me in the morning! 10 ways to love a woman: 1. While you hold her hand play with her fingers 2. Tickle her make her laugh 3. Kiss her 4. Don't only kiss her on the lips, kissing her on the cheek and forehead is cute too 5. Hold her waist 6. Hug her while you're behind her and rest your head on her shoulder 7. Whisper you love her in her ear 8. Tell her she's beautiful 9. Look her in the eyes and smile 10. Tell her you never want her to let YOU go Awww. So sweet. Just reading this makes me feel loved already. :) Today is splitchick's day! Happy birthday my darling "other-half-of-the-kuku-sisters"!!! This year has been a year fraught with lots of drama episodes, ey? And a very symbolic year for you too cos it's graduation! We had a wonderful time in Hongkong didn't we? We should start planning for our next trip already. Maybe to Perth to visit you next year? I'm sure Valuair will come up with some cheap deals to fly to Perth. Maybe like one-for-one again? Mmm? Or perhaps you prefer Bangkok? Anyhows, we must go on another road trip! Heehee. I don't know what I'd do without you, dearie. So here's wishing you a Happy 20th Birthday and a warm welcome to the Club 20s! *Hugz* Love, xoxo Selsel

Too bored to be true, I logged in to Friendster and this is what I get.. 1. last place i've been to: Esplanade 2. i am: superly duperly bored and sleepy. 3. they say i am: crazy and always full of lame shit. 4. yesterday: i met up with my girlfriends @ The Esplanade 5. last person who missed called: Mr Highlander Tan 6. last person you called: Mr Highlander Tan. Missed call, you see. 7. last name in your received calls: My mama. 8. how old are you: 20, turning into 21 in like 2 months! Freak! 9. what music is playing: FM 95.8, yes i know, the old people station. bo bian. 10. last thing you drank: plain water. 11. last thing you bought for yourself : Ribena. Wheeee! 12. you want to: go hm n sleep my head off. 13. i really like: the melie bianco bag and being around with my friends 14. i have a crush on: you la you la. 15. i really hate: dumb people. **HAVE YOU EVER: 1. got wasted: nope, i don't get drunk. i just fall asleep after drinking. 2. ran away: yes. not literally run. but avoid. 3. broken someone's heart : yes. well, i'm sorry! 4. had your heart broken : eh. i should think so. 5. wished someone died: yes!!!!!!!!! in a fit of anger, of course. 6. broken a bone: nope 7. cried in school: yes. i'm a cry babyyyy ** THIS OR THAT: 1. pepsi or coke: Coke! Always Coca Cola 2. sprite or 7up : aren't they like, the same? 3. flowers or candies : Flowers. 4. quiet or loud : i'm loudly quiet. 5. blondes or brunettes : no preference? 6. tall or short : i wanna be shorter!! 7. fat or thin: not very thin la. but i'm 20kg UNDERWEIGHT, dammit. wot rubbish. **WHAT/WHO IS: 1. your good luck charm: erm. dunno? i should go find out. 2. person you hate most: i love, i don't hate. but i can make exceptions. 3. fave number/s : 4!!!!!!! ** WHAT IS/ARE YOUR FAVORITE: 1. color/s : i like all the colours la. 2. movie/s : i like all the movies i watch. EXCEPT THIS DUMB KOREAN SHOW I GOT FORCED INTO WATCHIN. DUMBASS. I HATE 'EM KOREAN SHOWS. DUMB. 3. book/s : how abt my favourite authors? easier. Michael Crichton, Roald Dahl - all time favourite! 4. subject/s in school : music lessons and PE 5. holiday/s: Genting Mar 05, Hongkong Jun 05, Japan, Gold Coast, Dubai!!!, Bangkok!! erm. basically all la. 6. season : autumn **WHO: 1. makes you laugh the most : alot of people ley. mostly kenny chan mali chan, mr highlander tan, karen, but usually i'm the one making people laugh. 2. makes you smile : laugh = smile, no? 3. has a crush on you : i wish i knew **DO/DID YOU: 1. sit by the phone waiting for a call all night: nah, i'll prolly fall asleep. 2. chat online : no, i live in a cave. -_-!! 3. save emails: ya, those from the uni. 4. wish you were someone else: no, why would i wish to be someone else? 5. cry in front of friends: all the time la. but now i can control my tears better.

Yes, I know we gotta help pay for labour, operating expenses (rent, utilities, etc), but a 10 month bonus? That's just too much. I always thought this Durai guy was is a nice guy. A gentleman. Someone who sacrificed time and make efforts to help those needy people at the NKF. Ok, so maybe he is. But getting a 10 month bonus? That's really just unbelievable. It's not helping that there are more and more of such charity shows (cancer, heart disease, for the kids, etc) on TV, it's like some sort of a variety programme already. I don't understand it. Why don't the people at NKF sacrifice their 10 month bonuses (which *GASP* is OUR pay, OUR bonuses) and donate it all back to charity, or better yet, use that money to pay for their operating expenses, so that when THE PUBLIC call the 1900 numbers, they are actually donating everything to charity? It's not that Singaporeans ain't sympathetic or don't empathise with these patients. We do, we really do, which is why we've supported NKF (or any other charities) everytime they organise such shows. And it's the case of the thief shouting for police. You know the Chinese proverb, "E ren xian gao zhuang". If NKF hadn't filed law suit against SPH for libel, they wouldn't have been asked about their finances. Dumb, right? In the first place, the telephone operators should be doing this service for free anyway. All in the name of charity, no? Still want to charge administrative fees. *rolls eyes* And GST. What the hell! Should be tax-exempted, no? Argh. To think, even when I'm at the brokest point of my life (read, account balance fast approaching zilch), I still have to maintain enough to GIRO $3 to NKF. Alright, it's a measly $3, but imagine, 1000 people donating $3 EVERY MONTH, you know, that's $36,000 a year!! That's alot of money. Karen told me the other day, that while watching the NKF show, she thought she'd do her part by calling the hotline, for a $5 (or is it $8, now?) donation, plus admin fee of $0.21 and GST or something. So she happily dialled the number that the celebrities were calling out for. Which was the 8-calls one. She still thought it was quite pathetic to make just one call, and was contemplating to call 3 times. Until she realised she had already made 8 calls. Ptui. So cheaterbug hor? Never tell people that it's the 8 calls one. $46 you know! And her mum called the 8 calls one too. Sheesh. That's not very right ey? Tsk tsk. Am going to terminate my GIRO donation. Boo.

Fitting Room @ WH. Just ignore the retarded expression. Love the denim hotshorts!!

I can't believe I deleted Suan's birthday party pictures. Omg. I'm such a ditz. Now, the only person who has the photos is Kenny Chan - Mali Chan. Can Mr Kenny Chan - Mali Chan send me the pictures please? Why is it that people always like to ask me, "Why are you home on Saturday night?" Hmmm, must I be out on every Saturday night? I don't actually like to go out on weekends. Everywhere's crowded. Town's crowded, Tampines Mall is crowded, restaurants are crowded, MRT stations are crowded. Oh well, you get the idea. I hate squeezing with the crowd. Bah. I like to have the whole mall by myself. So I like to go shopping on weekdays afternoons when everyone is at work or schooling. Then there's also the question, why are they home on a Saturday night asking me why I am home on a Saturday night? Hmmm. Weirdness. I wonder how's Wala Wala. Chong-ah! How's Wala Wala? Must tell me about it ok! I can't go because I had to go dinner with my parents. They've been complaining that I haven't been home alot, lately. Oh wells. It's true. Mummy's going to Korea on Thursday. Without me. *wails* Sob sob sob. If I knew she was going to Korea, I wouldn't have gone to Hongkong. Bah. I feel cheated!!!!! Gah. Never mind. Mummy promised she'll buy clothes back for me. I just hope she remembers to buy my (and as I'm typing this, I get that question again, urgh) Birkies and skirts. They have nice skirts there! I love the skirts! Wheee! And Birkenstock is cheaper there than in SG! I think. This pair here costs about SGD$64! And the Mickey Mouse tee is so cute! I like! I should print a copy of these and give it to my Mummy so that she'll remember. Yeah, and before I forget. I need to shout out. I'm in love. It was love at first sight! The object of my desire? Oh, don't you wanna know! I guess I can't hide it. It's Mr Highlander. So strong.. So smooth.. We're the perfect match! Just look at the picture! . . . . . . Highlander Pool Table by Brunswick. Available in traditional oak and cherry finish. Oh god. It costs a bank-breaking $1655 in GBP. That's pounds. British pounds. 1GBP = 2.954SGD Okay, you do the math. Bah. And also, the ultimate pool cues. Viking cues! Nope, this is not a pair of expensive chopsticks. Ooooh, the things I'll do to get my hands on one of these babies. Sigh. Till the day I do, I'll have to make do with the lousy cues they provide at those pool halls. But then again, it's the skills that matter. Ey? *eyes Karen* Admit it. I HAVE THE SUPER CUE! Muahahahahahahaha! Anybody has any cheap lobangs to get pool tables? Am thinking of putting one in my second floor living. Can be second-hand. But must be in good condition (i.e. rarely used)!!! And preferably come with 2 cues, a set of balls and chalk. Ooh! And the table brush. Email me if you do have a lobang k! Alright. I've been at this long enough. My entry got swallowed up twice and Blogger scrooed up on me like 2435 times tonight. Bah. Tomorrow am going to Xingdi's house for Polly's farewell party. That girl is going to China to work! Can you believe it! She's going to China to work! *Sobs* I'll miss her. Photos tmr! If anyone brings a camera. *Poof*

The Melie Bianco bag is to die for!!! You can wear it 3 ways! Imagine! It's like having 3 bags for the price of one! *Swoon* I am going to save up and buy me one of those! SGD$65! Argh. I bid (what's the past tense for bid?) for my first ebay item yesterday. And you will never believe what I bid (bidded?) for. Wahahaha. 2 novels. The very first items I zoomed in on were books! Hee hee. Digital Forest Fortress by Dan Brown and P.S., I love you by Cecilia Ahern. I am such a nerd. But it's so damn cheap! It's only auctioning for $5 each! And even with postage, which is probably about $2, it's only $7! I bet it costs about $16 for each book if you get it at the bookstore. So as long as the condition of the book is still alright and no missing pages, then I suppose it's ok to buy it online la. I want the Melie Bianco bag! *Stamps foot* Gah. I'm crazy. Was looking through my Yahoo! Briefcase folders when I found this:

My butt shot! Tee hee. Took this during SL Camp 04. Is it 04'? Ya la, should be. I always mix up the academic years. Can't seem to get the hang of it. I also found the kuku videos we took during camp. Wahahahhaha. Damn hilarious la.

I happen to think I have a nice butt. Hahaha. Not too big, not too small. Not droopy. It's just the right size! Hahahaha. Oh god. I can't believe I'm discussing about my butt here. Butt but still, it's a nice butt, doncha agree?

Can't wait for 10th July. Oh man, I hope no one ups my bids. Don't think anyone buys books on Ebay right? Hmm. Hope not. *Cross fingers*

Oh yes! London is hosting the 2012 Olympics! I was right! Wahahahahaha. *Smacks Mr Tan*

I told you right! Hee hee hee. I just had a very strong gut feel that London will win the bid. And I was right!

When are we going KTv? Hmmm? *Glares at Karen* Like say very long already hor? Since erm, ah, eh, er, see! I can't even remember since when. So it must be damn long ago la. Better faster arrange! I want to singggggggg!

Alamak, I forgot my main purpose of blogging this entry. I passed! I passed! I passed!

Just received (ok, not just, urm, 3 hours ago) the pass list from Loughborough Uni for Year 2, and my name's in it! Wheee! That means I passed! And it also means its time for me to decided whether I'm going to UK or not.

To go or not to go. That is the question. Still battling about it.

I don't think I can leave my Dad & Mum behind, although they sometimes get on my nerves.

I don't think I can leave my friends behind, especially the gang and I'll really miss all of them terribly when I'm there.

I don't think I can live alone there, without any friends, relatives, aquaintances.

I don't think I'll find any project mates there!! They all would have already formed groups and won't accept an Asian in their group. :(

I'll be all alone. And all I'll do is mug mug mug mug everyday. I'll turn into a hermit. An anti-social freak. Oh my.

Just the thoughts of it makes me shiver.

Can I not go? But then, I think about the experience I'll be missing out on. The fact that I'll have a "gold-plated" degree when I graduate from there instead of from Singapore.

Yes, the difference is not alot, but the point is, when you tell your future employer that you graduated from a Uni in UK is just different from when you tell them that you graduated from a local, private Uni.

Sigh. What a dilemma. *Smacks forehead*

Why didn't I choose UWA instead! At least Australia's nearer. And I'll have friends there. And I can go work as a strawberry picker with Rach Lum for $15/hr. Bloody hell.

15 freaking dollars an hour just to pick strawberries. Can you imagine how much those managers get paid?? Prolly like $4k a month, aussie dollars mind you, just for middle management.

Hrrrummph. This is so unfair! Gah.

Oh wells, at least we get chilli / ketchup for free at Mcdonald's. I heard you gotta pay 50c to get it there. Madness.

I guess I'll think about it when the finalised results are out. And probably speak to the Uni people about it.

Bah.

Attitude Chic. LOL.

Please. The one with the handphone number 9023XXXX, I would really appreciate it if you could just leave me alone. Stop sms-ing me. Stop trying to contact me. I didn't reply 3 months ago. What makes you think I'd reply now? I'm seriously driven to desperation. Leave now, before I password-protect this blog. I'm changing my handphone number. You, for sure, ain't getting the new number. Freak. BUGGER OFF!

And just in case you can't read english,

I hope I've made myself clear enough. I don't want to be your friend. I don't need to be your friend. You don't need me as your friend. Save yourself some dignity and "face". Really.

Kuku sisters wore the same tops on Saturday when I went to meet kuku sister Lum in town. Wahahaha, she walked up the escalator and I exclaimed! We're wearing the same tops! So we went to take photo stickers! Those neoprint thingeys. And we had a blast! We blew $10 each on that dumb machine which spewed Japanese that neither of us could understand! But still, we managed some good shots! *grin* Hee hee. And I love the decorating part! Ho ho ho! Admit it, Rach, I'm a better decorator than you, when it comes to decorating photo stickers. Hee hee. That kuku wrote "Happy Pixie". What in the world is "Happy Pixie" supposed to mean? Hmm? And it isn't even "Happy Pixies". Bah. I love this pics anyways. So funny. We forgot to show off our identical tops the first time, so we blew another $5 each to take a second time! Hee hee. I love this pic. See, I write good. Love those butterflies. Hee hee. Pretty pretty. The ultimate favourite shot. Candid, yet pro-looking. Teehee. It's obvious that I wasn't the one who did the drawing for this. Bah. Never mind, it comes with practice. :) Yay, I love taking photo stickers. Everyone looks pretty and handsome in them. Yippee. So who wants to take photo stickers with me? I don't actually have alot to blog about. I just wanted to spend some time. Ha. Oh yes, something really embarrassing happened yesterday. I was doing my nails at Bishan Junction 8 when suddenly, my sandals broke!!! Oh my god! The horrors! The embarrassment!! T_T Thankfully, my manicurist, Noi, was on hand to help! And also, fortunately, Project Shop was just 4 steps away. Oh god. It's the first time I bought something without trying it on first and not even choosing the colour. And it was $18.90. Boohoohoo. Charles and Keith, your sandals are lousy!!! Boo!! And Saturday was also the first time I wore flipflops to a club. The Eski Bar @ Circular Road, to be exact. Well, it truly lived up to its name, that Eski Bar. FREEZING COLD! FREAK. I was wearing a sleeveless tank top, for Christ's sakes. You guys could have chosen a better time to go. *rolls eyes* Actually it turned out to be okay, because they "loaned" out winter jackets. For unprepared souls, like me. But the size of the jackets cannot choose ah, so I had the ultra big size one. Like XXXXXXXXL. I looked like a penguin wearing it. Wahahahahaha. Pretty nice chill out place, but the music's boring. Hmm. And it's a small place. Like really small. Think the toilets in the shopping malls are prolly bigger than the whole bar. Wahahahaha. Oh wells, it's the company that matters anyway. The whole time we were there, we blew out the candle like 4 times. Oops, not we. More like Melvin and Mark. Wahhahaha. Those 2 monkeys are really funny. And pretty silly. They tried to "resuscitate" the extinguished candle and ended up blowing wax in their faces. Super funny la. I mean like, you see two grown guys blowing liquid wax, causing the wax to fly all over the place. Bah. How dumb can they (I mean guys) get? Lol. Ok, better not say more, if not, someone's going to hack me into a million pieces and I'll prolly need resuscitation myself. Ho ho ho. *grin* Alright, I'm off to sleep. Wrote pretty much for an entry that I thought I didn't have anything to write. Hahahahaha.

The Personality System

Logical Thinker/Analytical/Objective One Individuals who are Logical Thinkers exhibit a practical, proper and discrete nature. They are self-evaluating and may be critical of both themselves and others, though they seldom voice it, being quiet and reserved. As criticsm is their greatest fear, they are constantly striving for perfection. Logical Thinkers internalize information, analyzing issues over an dover again. At times they may appear cool and blunt due to their constant analyzing, but by becoming a little more sensitive and adaptable, Logical Thinkers can be seen as more perceptive to the feelings of others. They make decisions slowly based on facts and logic, not emotion, asking "how" and "why" questions. In the eyes of a Logical Thinker, neatness equates with high quality and anything less is unacceptable. They like to plan and organize every area of their life. A stable environment is best for Logical Thinkers as they prefer to be slow and deliberate in their changes, not spontaneous. They require guidelines in their task-oriented work style. Logical Thinkers hold to high standards and constantly strive to meet them. 2 years ago, when I did this same test, I was an "I" personality. It's weird, but I guess people change over the years. Now I'm a "C" personality. Careful and cautious. A pure "C".