I have a lot of things to say.. But they get stuck in my throat.. I have a lot of things to blog about.. But they get stuck as drafts.. Because I don't want to have to bear the consequences of saying them out.. Because I seem to be offending people with my honesty and so I guess, I should just swallow the truths. Because I don't want to lose another friend because of a post. A post that was meant to make things better but end up killing a friendship. On 2005.. I lost friends acquaintances due to blogging. A few of them. All in 2005. I made new friends, loads of them, as if to compensate for the loss of these acquaintances. 2005 has been one hell of a rollercoaster ride. It's also a year of many first-times and the year of the 21's. I clubbed for the first time in March (I think) at Dbl O, was supposed to go during NYE 04, but didn't. I rejected a guy in 05, you'd think that I'll be dying to get attached after being single for so long, but no, I didn't feel any chemistry, zilch. Kosong. Nothing. Nada. Therefore, save all the trouble, might as will nip it in the bud. Lost friend 1 in April, over a stupid April Fools' Joke. I still think it's not my fault, although I regret the loss of the friendship, but oh wells, nothing to be done now. 2005 was also the year that I stepped out of Singapore without my parents or teachers or guardians for the first time in my entire life. I went to Genting, Malaysia then Hongkong in March and June respectively. Totally enjoyed myself, the place, the company, the shopping and most of all, the independence. Although I missed being able to buy anything I wanted (well, you have to give up something right?). Stepped into the final year of my degree course, graduating in June (I better graduate with at least a 2nd Lower) and hopefully go to UK for convocation. I decided I didn't want to go to UK for my final year.. For who I don't know. All I know is I didn't want to leave my parents and my friends and my life in Singapore. Yes, even if it's just for one year. Went through some struggles in the family, especially during March and most recently, in December 05. Had some major quarrels.. and somebody came back, with not one, but two kids. My parents become grandparents overnight and I became some kids' auntie. Oh god, bless me. The year of the 21's. Most of my friends turned 21 in 2005 and I attended most of their parties and saboh-ed most of them. But I got my karma, because I got saboh-ed on my birthday. But all's in the name of fun. 2005 has been one hellava year. Some memories worth keeping, while some should just be shoved into the deepest corner of my brain. On 2006.. I'm in my second last semester of my degree course. Things are starting to move faster and faster. And yet, I seem to be moving slower and slower, as if there is a lot of time. When in actual fact, I have only less than a month to submit my first project assignment and less than two months to submit the next. And two more months before my exams, although there are only two papers to study for, I foresee that there will be quite a lot to study and more McDonald's to eat. I really want to do well, but somehow, this desire doesn't correspond with my determination or lack thereof. I need to get my butt of the chair and pull my socks up. I need a few "A"s to pull up my aggregate score in hope of that Second Upper or Lower. Did I just dang myself again? Yes. I only did well in Poly Year 3, I don't know what I was doing for the first two years. I suppose company matters, because it was so competitive in Y3 that everyone just decided to sprint that last lap. I have decided that I'm going to takeover the company, no matter how small or how poorly or well it's doing because I don't want my Dad's efforts (30 over years of it) to go down the drain just because my useless Uncle doesn't want his son to help. I have decided that when I takeover the company, I'm going to do some MAJOR RESHUFFLING. Not that there's a lot of people to shuffle, but ALL OF THEM OLD UNCLES WILL HAVE TO GO. I may appear / sound like I'm some heartless bitch to want to void them of their efforts and sweat and hard work all these time, but save that judgement until you hear what they did. The company may be small, and his son may be worth much more outside, but think about this. This same small company helped him raise his son to be so tall and so big-sized, plus let him and his family live comfortably in his 4-room flat and he had his own car for all the time that my Dad was running the company. And now, he's old and weak, business is bad and he doesn't even want to let his son help my Dad? How dare he threaten my father, the one who has treated him with nothing but love, kindness and provided him with material comforts for the past 50 over years of his worthless life, that if his son comes to help in the business he will quit? How dare he? How could he? I suppose someone with no conscience will be capable of that. That heartless creep. I have absolutely no respect for him. Because he does not deserve it. In fact, I don't think my Dad needs his son's help. We don't want to be indebted to him for the rest of our lives. I don't know what to say about love, because there really is nothing much to say. But Lionel, Zhenting, Karen, Qookie, Shuan, Michelle, Henry, please be informed that no, he is not my boyfriend, nor does he like me in that way. So stop speculating amongst yourselves that oooh, Selena has a boyfriend/admirer. You'll scare him off then I won't even have a friend! Ok!? And the Choir people, no I am not Selena Fatimah, I know you all are just teasing me, but Fatimah just does not suit me. And I didn't even say I wanted marry him. All I said was, "he is cute." SO STOP CALLING ME SELENA FATIMAH! Grrr. Am actually quite enjoying this "status" now, FTD (free to date) well, if anyone dates me of course. Wahahahaha. Maybe just having one traumatising relationship was enough to put me off having another one in the near future. I don't know. Or perhaps, the right one just isn't here yet. I'll wait, but don't take too long ok? Oh yes, and stop asking me WHY I AM STILL SINGLE!!! Cows. I cannot be single meh!? *glares at Aloy and Kenny* Tsk. Getting a tad annoying. I not worried you all worried for what! I don't want a lot for 2006 and I don't want to make resolutions that I can't keep. I just want to graduate with "better than OK" results, go to UK for convocation, go on another road trip (perhaps to Perth to visit Rach or to Bangkok for SHOPPING!) with friends and find myself a nice job. Well then, here's to better health in 2006 (been falling sick quite often lately), better results (time to get a move on and pull up my socks), more mahjong (as if I haven't had enough of it in the recent months), more KTv, more salmon sashimi, more shopping, more money in my bank account! Cheers to a great 2006!!!! P.S. Record number of perfumes received during my birthday in September, 6 bottles. Record number of pairs of shoes I bought this year, 12 pairs!!! That works out to a pair a month! Wowee!