She.. .. is living well, I can see, from her material possessions, a luxury car, monogrammed bag and wallet, the latest model of mobile phones, platinum credit cards. .. has two kids, a very adorable baby girl and a botanist-to-be son. .. arrived out of the blue, I couldn't accept it. .. caused me so much tears, pain and anguish 8 years ago, that I can't help but feel angry with her. .. hurt me twice, so badly, that my heart feels battered and scarred. .. is such a stranger to me, I can't even bear to talk to her. .. left without a word and came without a warning, I cried when I saw her, I don't know what to do. I scared the kids, I scared myself. .. instilled mixed feelings in me, I don't know whether I can ever forgive her for doing what she did and whether I should open my heart to her again. .. is the one who taught me how it feels like to be hurt again and again by someone you loved. .. is the one who taught me how to build walls around myself so that I will not be hurt so easily. .. is the one who taught me not to trust anyone so easily anymore. .. is back. Mixed feelings seem to swallow me whole. I can't think. I can't accept. I can't understand. I can't, I can't, I can't. Tears of pain and sadness flow once again, as I'm reminded of the grief I felt when it happened 8 years ago. I don't think I can take it if it happens again. I think I might die. Or never smile or laugh again.